OMG! Sometimes I read @shitmydadsays on Twitter (it's this guy who posts stuff his 73 yr old father says.) and I can't stop laughing...
"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."
"No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"
I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."
"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"
"Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say."
Seriously, it just cracks me up...or you know I'm just not right in the head sometimes either...BWAHAHAHAHAA