smeared_kohl

It's 3 years ago today that I had to say good bye to my mom.

Three years seems like nothing,  and it hurts just as much now as it did then. But I lost her long before that.

My mom had cancer, it started as kidney cancer and moved to her lymphnodes...because it was missed on her scans. The tumor released a chemical that messed up her brain, she was like an Alzheimer patient, if you didn't go to see her everyday she didn't know who you were and as it progressed she couldn't talk or really know what was going on. And god she was in so much pain.

There was so much I wanted to say, talk to her about but I never got the chance, because she had no idea what I was saying, nor could she answer me if she did. Before she passed away I had a dream that I was laying on my parent's bed in the house I grew up in and we were talking like we used to when I was little (she used to lay down after supper for a nap and I'd follow and lay down and talk to her sometimes.), but I was grown...and I told her everything I could think of in the dream. Sometimes I like to think that because of that dream she really knew...but I know that my subconscious was just trying to help me deal.

It still kills me that she will never see my wedding or her grandchildren that she always promised that she would wind up on sugar and send them home to me.
It's not fair that she did not get to enjoy the rest of her life, because god did she ever enjoy her life.
Everyone who knew her misses her deeply.
My mom was 57 years old, she deserved a longer life.



I love you mom.